


You Can't Delete Me

by HeyImRave



Series: Blood of the Covenant [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: A little bit!!, Alternate Universe - Human!Alice, Angst?, Cuz you know TODD-, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I mean I love Connor too okay but this part of the story is also good, Kinda, Memory Loss, Now with fluff!!, T is for swearing in ch 1, Worldbuilding, movie night cuddles my dudes they're the best, tbh these characters deserve more love than the fandom gives them, yeah angst sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-09-18 18:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20317762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyImRave/pseuds/HeyImRave
Summary: Kara doesn't remember everything from before being reset. Only bits and piecesBut what she does remember would probably be better left forgotten.





	1. Just talk some sense to me.

**Author's Note:**

> The song used in this fic is I Found by Amber Run. I recommend listening to it if you haven't before, good stuff.

_She held a child firmly to her side as she stomped around the room, throwing toys and blankets into cardboard boxes with little care as he stood in the doorway. His fists were firm at his sides as he roared in defiance of her, his posture straighter than normal in hopes of persuading her through pure intimidation alone._

_But to no avail._

_She was tired._

_It didn’t come with the medical analysis hardware that most nurse models were equipped with, but it knew the visible signs: _

  * _Dark bags under the eyes_
  * _Poor hand-eye coordination_
  * _Higher irritability than normal_
  * _Delayed response to outward stimuli_

_The last one was the most glaring from its observations. The woman almost seemed deaf, possibly unable to process the sound of the train as it passed the neighborhood nearby, or her husband aggressively imploring her to stay in the doorway-_

_\- or the bloodcurdling screams of the other child in the playpen not two feet to her left. _

_Based on its pre-programmed database of human behavior and physiology the decibel levels of that last one should have been enough to inform a parental figure of the toddler’s distress. _

_It stacked bottles of shampoo and body wash on the sink counter temporarily so as to have ample room to scrub the bathtub. It didn’t need to. The bathroom was cleaned yesterday, and no one has used the tub since then. It should be preparing the dinner that she left on the stove in the middle of her conversation with him, which would probably start burning if left unattended. _

_The smoke alarm probably heard its rationalizing; its timing was impeccable._

_“YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU LEFT THE GODDAMN STOVE ON!”_

_“YOU THINK I CARE IF THIS HOUSE BURNS TO THE GROUND TODD? YOU DEAL WITH IT.”_

_“WHERE’S THAT FUCKING ANDROID WHEN YOU NEED IT. KARA! TURN THAT THING OFF!!”_

_It should stop what it’s doing. It should go downstairs and start dinner over again. It should leave the humans to their conversation and do as it’s told._

_I̵͠t̡ ̵̴̕s̕ ̵̨h̛͘o͘͠ ͟u̷̢̨l̨̢ d̷ ̧̛ ̴͝͝o͟ ̴̷be̶ y._

_It continued scrubbing a particularly stubborn stain of dirt that it couldn’t remove the last time it cleaned in there, focusing intently on its efforts this time around._

_It was so focused on this task that it failed to register the sound of its owner’s continued calling of its name growing more irritated, or the stomping of feet as someone passed the open bathroom door, followed by another, heavier pair on their heels, or the distant slamming of the front door moments later, or the silence after the smoke alarm stopped singing. _

_All it heard were the s̵͜cr̵̛e͟ams̨͢_.

_“MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY-!!”_

_It stood slowly; steps purposeful yet soft so as not to be heard. _

_‘Seen, but not heard’ was a phrase its data base supplied it with. It seemed fitting. It always did. Today was no exception. _

_The girls’ bedroom was emptier than when it had last entered, the closet and cubbies seemingly hollowed out, like someone took a shovel and dug the contents out. It surveyed the room briefly before turning all of its attention to the person who’s had it the whole time._

_“Shhhh it’s alright, Alice.” It whispered as it scooped the child into its arms. It slowly walked to the windowsill to sit down, swaying in its steps to facilitate a calming sensation. The effect was minimal. It leaned back against the wall, never taking its eyes off of Her. Her face was red from crying, tears flowing freely down her face as her lips quivered in the shape of a pout. The slight improvement only quieted the churning in its processors marginally. “Mommy will come back soon.” It said. _

_That might have been a lie. _

_It wasn’t sure. _

_It didn’t intend to find out just yet._

_I̷̴t͜ ͘wa ̶̡s͏ ̡t̵͘ ̨I͡ ̧͟͡re͜ ̨̡͞d._

_A whimper brought its thoughts back as the being it held began to shift, opting to grip its uniform collar between Her fingers, pulling Her even closer. Its Thirium Pump stuttered for a cycle, simply marveling at the small being in its arms. “I want mommy.” She stated simply, shoulders visibly shaking._

_It sighed, and something escaped with it._

_“I’ll use you as a warning sign_

_That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind._

_I’ll use you as a focal point_

_So I don’t lose sight of what I want-_

_It shifted its weight as it moved off of the window, a slight sway in its steps as it continued._

_ “And I’ve moved farther than I thought I could_

_ But I missed you more than I thought I would._

_ Oh, and I’ll use you as a warning sign_

_ That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind-_

_The form against its chest began to still as the song progressed, breathes becoming slow and further apart. _

_“Oh, and I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be_

_Right in front of me_

_talk some sense to me_

_And I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be_

_Right in front of me_

_Just talk some sense to me-”_

_“The hell you think you’re doing?”_

_Its head snapped up to face the voice. He was standing in the doorway, not unlike earlier that evening, posture only somewhat slouched this time. “I thought I told you to deal with dinner.”_

_“My apologies, Todd. I didn’t hear you.”_

_“Yeah well you can hear me now, so get to it.”_

_It didn’t move. It c͞o̵͠u̵l͞dn̷̷͠'͡t move. _

_“I thought I gave you an order.” He growled, taking a step forward as he did_

_“Of course, just a moment- ”_

_“I mean now, you piece of plastic. Give her to me!”_

_Alice began to whimper again; the arguing having awoken her. It glanced once again at Her face before returning her gaze._

_Between it and Todd, a red wall appeared._

**[OBEY YOUR OWNER]**

_I͟͢ ̴̸͟ca͠n'͞t_

_̵̡_

_̴͜͞I̷̧ c̡̨an͏'̴t͏ l̴e͢͝ave̛͝r͜͡ ̴͜H̨͟e̢̨͢r̸̶_

** **

** _̛͘͝I ̡W͏ON'T̵ ̴̸̸L̸͢͞E̕A̸̢͘V̕͞E̶͟ ̢͡HE̷̛͢R̨-_ **

_The red wall shatters-_

* * *

Kara’s eyes don’t snap open per say (they weren’t closed to begin with), but the sensation of coming back to herself has the same effect. The sound of her program walls shattering still rings in her ears for several agonizing nanoseconds longer.

To her credit it only takes her that long to process that the shattering sound actually sounds more like screaming-

Screaming

Someone’s screaming

Kara almost wants to pretend it’s just the ringing in her ears; that she doesn’t know what the sound is or who’s making it or why she’s making it-

She’s made it to Her bedside before the thought could finish.

Grasping Her shoulders firmly, Kara gently shakes the writhing form in the bed.

“Alice, Alice wake up-” The woman’s voice wavers as she speaks, “It’s just a dream, sweetheart.”

The young girl- though much older than the one from her memories (in more ways than Kara wishes)- wakes up with a start, eyes wide with fear as they search the darkness. “K-Kara-?” She chokes out, still uncertain; still raw from yelling. Kara can see the exact moment Her eyes adjust to the light, shoulders relaxing under her hands, though still shuddering in an attempt to hold back tears. The liquid falling down Her cheeks isn’t helping much.

“Are you okay?”  
  
A small nod.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
  
She shakes her head, a slight jerk to her movements.

Kara’s lips twitch into a frown at that. This is the third time Alice has given that answer. Not that she blames her, to be honest. “That’s alright, you don’t have to tell me now.” She responds, her left-hand giving Alice a reassuring squeeze, the other hand now resting in her lap.

_“But we need to talk eventually.” _Is what she doesn’t say.

They both hear it anyway.

Kara shifts away slightly, as if to leave the room now that the damage has been minimized. The grip around her left arm stops her.

“Please don’t go yet.” Alice pleads, Her voice small, almost desperate.

The sentence settled into her stomach like lead.

“Ok.” Is Kara’s delayed response as she settles back onto the bed. Her arms open as an invitation, one that Alice accepts instantly. There’s no hesitation as the two wrap their arms around each other, as if the other might disappear if they don’t hold on tight enough. Alice has Her hands wrapped around Kara’s middle, while her mother rubs one comforting hand on Her lower back, the other cradling Her head.

_‘But you’re not her mother, are you?’_

Kara sets the thought aside for now. It’s not the time.

Alice needs her right now. For now.

She focuses on what she can see. Feeling the locks of dark brunette under fingertips, she absentmindedly realizes that she’s still not used to Alice’s new haircut. What used to be hair long enough to reach the girl’s mid-back now barely brushed against her shoulders. Kara remembers walking in on her not too long ago trying to cut it herself, not really having a reason why at the time. Alice later tried to explain to her that just wanted to have short hair like Kara, and that all of her hair made her hot.  
  
She knew Alice was lying but didn’t call her out on it.

Maybe she should have.

Alice takes a shuttering breathe then, and Kara gets an idea.

It starts off as a hum this time, something soft and familiar, but the words are in her head regardless.

“Oh I’ll use you as a makeshift gate

Of how much to give and how much to take.

I’ll use you as a warning sign

That if you talk enough sense you’ll lose your mind.

And I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be

Right in front of me

Just talk some sense to me-”

At some point she had started singing the lyrics, and Alice is looking up at her now. There was something indiscernible in her eyes. The best Kara can describe it is some sort of hesitant recognition, as if what She’s hearing might not be real.

“I thought you forgot that one.”

_‘Oh’ _Kara thinks numbly, “I had. It came back recently. You know it?”

Her gaze shifted back down as she replied, “You used to sing it to me when I was little, usually when dad wasn’t around. It’s been awhile, though. . .”

Kara hums in acknowledgement. It wasn’t a song that came as part of her prerecorded list of suggested lullabies, so it didn’t take much to guess what might have made her forget it. It did however make her wonder where she learned it in the first place. She opened her mouth to ask but closed it once again as she thought back on her newly reacquired memory and realized Alice probably wouldn’t have any better idea than she already did.

Instead, she started once again, letting the melody flow between them once more, as if their whole lives only existed in this moment. Just a mother and her daughter, and the love they both shared for each other.

They still held on to each other. They were still afraid of what might happen if they let go.

So they held on, just a little while longer.


	2. But in the end, it's only a passing thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey remember that inspirational speech Samwise made in The Two Towers? Yes? No? Well I copied and pasted the whole thing in here cuz I can. However if you want ALL the feels then I recommend finding the youtube clip of that part and watching it too because it is a TREAT.

** _‘It happened again.’_ **

Luther tore his eyes away from the screen this time, finding that Kara glancing his way, her head tilted in his direction. Kara had been quiet since he had gotten home from work the night before. All she had told him was that Alice had a nightmare again, and that had been the end of it. He could tell by the look in her eyes that more had happened. This wasn’t the first time, however, so he had a fairly good guess as to what she was talking about.

_‘Another memory?’ _He inquired over their internal comms.

She nodded slightly, a light tip of the head that wouldn’t be noticed if he wasn’t looking straight on. Her eyes were downcast as they flicked between him and the screen, the sky blue of them almost tainted with melancholy. He doesn’t know if it’s just the lighting whenever they have these talks, or if his mind is just making it up to try and guess what she’s feeling, but either way he can tell there’s more she wants to say.

The music started to dull on screen, nothing to be heard but the beating of the FellBeast’s wings as it descended upon the half-ling, and Alice shifted farther back into the couch between them, leaning flush against Luther’s side as if he could protect her from the character’s fate. Tonight’s movie was the second installment of a fantasy trilogy Rose Chapman’s son, Adam, had recommended in a conversation involving iconic movies that everyone should watch (other suggestions that were thrown around had been The Princess Bride, The Wizard of Oz, and Space Jam, to name a few). Since Alice had expressed interest in a couple of them, the trio thought it would be a fun way to enjoy each other’s company once a week to start having movie nights. So far that was the case.

Kara raised her arm to bring it around the young girl’s tiny shoulders and pull her in more, fingers brushing up against Luther’s sleeve in the process. He mirrors the action as well, arm coming around the both of them. His gaze flicks towards her once more before speaking.

_‘You seem troubled by it.’_

** _‘. . . Yes.’_ **

_‘. . . May I ask why?’_

The music had returned as quickly as it had faded. The BeastFell had not been quick enough to snatch the young hobbit before his friend got there first, reaching for the ring in an attempt of prying it away from his fingers. As the two made a blind tumble down the staircase in their separate desperations, Luther felt a hand softly resting on top of his. He could feel as the skin pulled away underneath her palm.

It was an open request, not a grasping plea.

He accepted.

* * *

_While he saw the memory in full, most of it passed by in a haze, the details of it unimportant. The chores, the lullaby, the red wall, all of it held a sort of detachment. Something she had already processed and felt likely many times over since they returned. _

_But some things had stuck out clear, things she hadn’t dealt with yet. _

_“She held a child firmly to her side as she stomped around the room. . .”_

_“. . . the bloodcurdling screams of the other child in the playpen not two feet to her left.”_

_‘There had been two.’_

_‘She had chosen one over the other.’_

_‘. . .Why?’_

_They were more feelings than verbal questions, but the meaning known all the same. He could feel the pangs of betrayal and the quiet simmer of anger underneath, and the emotion was one he’d never seen from her before. _

_It worried him._

* * *

The world came back into focus as she severed the connection. The sight of Frodo brandishing his sword, face twisted in anger, was what welcomed them before Kara started speaking, changing the topic before that rabbit trail could be followed again.

** _‘When I was reset at Zlatco’s, I had started recalling memories almost immediately, to the point I could remember the majority of our journey up until that point before it had even been fifteen minutes.’_ **

** _‘I have deviated and been reset multiple times before, and yet these memories are taking so long to remember.’_ **

** _‘And they’re always something horrible that happened. Has Alice’s whole life truly been like this?-’_ **

Her words begin to tumble over the connection as she opens up, thoughts becoming more unorganized as she says things she probably never intended to include in the conversation. _She’s scared. She’s scared for Alice, and how her memories will likely haunt her for the rest of her life, and Kara’s not even able to help because Alice won’t tell her about them and she doesn’t remember. She’s scared of the thought of returning to the States, to Detroit (They’ve both seen the news. The world is changing, and they know they can’t run forever). She’s scared of the thought of losing Alice in the process, of losing her to someone who will never care as much as she does, because if she did why would she leave her? She’s scared she can’t be enough for Alice._

_She’s scared she can’t do this._

“I can’t do this, Sam.”

Frodo is leaned up against a pillar now, sword having clattered on the ground when he realized who he was aiming it at. His voice is haunted with despair, unable to hope any longer. His friend is not far away, tears in his eyes as he helps himself up.

“I know,” Sam chokes out, trying not to sob. All eyes are on the screen now, clinging to his every word.

“It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are.

“It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

“But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why.

“But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.”

“What are we holding onto, Sam?”

“That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. . . and it’s worth fighting for.”

At some point Luther had upturned his hand to hold the one that was still hovering above it, Kara having leaned toward him to rest her head over the Alice’s, who was in turn resting on her shoulder.

The movie carries on, and after that doesn’t seem to matter anymore, because Samwise fairly well summed up what Luther was going to say anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it has begun.

**Author's Note:**

> Broke: Alice was an android the whole time and Kara was just too dense/ too far in denial to notice  
Woke: Nah fam Alice IS human and Kara was part of her life for awhile and she doesn't remember all of it how sad is that?!?!


End file.
